Untitled
by Eponine G
Summary: Ep has a few flash backs of a hurried night


I had to get away, I couldn't go any faster but I must!  
"EPONINE!"  
How could I stay near him after that? Lord how could I have been so stupid?  
His voice was still ringing in my ears...  
"'Ponine! Wait I...."  
His voice was gone. The last of his words snatched up on the wind. Would I ever hear it again? Did I want to hear it again? I tried to push all thoughts of him from my mind as I sat down, gasping for breath but it was no use...  
  
  
  
  
"I don't know" I mumbled  
"What the hell do you mean you don't know?" The man in front of me was screaming now, the man in front of me was my father.  
"I mean I don't know!" I screamed back "If I knew where I dropped them I wouldn't be here telling you I've lost them!"  
I saw the hand raise, saw it come towards me as if in slow motion then as it struck time resumed its normal pace and I was on the floor before I knew it.  
"You'd do well to find them letters my girl or there will be more from where that came from!"  
  
  
So there I was looking for three letters in a street full of filth, grime and paper, an easy task! With head bent down concentrating on the pavement I started to retrace my steps not caring for my surrounding...not wanting to see them... to be reminded of how and where I lived.  
  
  
I was so busy trying to forget where I was and trying to remember where the stupid letters were that I didn't see him at all in fact I walked straight in to him!  
I looked up anger in my eyes ready to tell this ignorant person that they should watch where they are going when I realized who the ignorant person was... it was Marius  
"Marius! I'm sorry I didn't even see you I..."  
"It's ok 'Ponine you were just the person I was looking for!" His eyes were dancing and he looked as happy as a little boy in a sweet shop.  
"Oh you.."  
"This is Cosette!"  
It was the first time I'd even noticed the young lady next to him. My, she was pretty! Cosette the little rat that used to be beneath me was now certainly above! And no longer a rat either but a rose! My heart was aching already and I knew now that my one wish would never come true.  
"Hello" She said in her voice like music unlike my husky one  
"I told Cosette that she had to meet all my friends and you being my closest and dearest one she had to meet you first!"  
As Marius said this not once did he look at me, not once did he take his eyes of hers. Nearest and dearest he had said I would be more than that given the chance, but yet looking at these two I knew now that the chance would never come.  
"So will you come?"  
Pulled back from my current state of longing I looked bewildered at Marius  
"What?"  
"Will you come to the wedding?"  
"Oh! Well I don't know Marius it's a big affair is a wedding, you won't want my kind hanging round at something like that"  
"Nonsense" Chirped in Cosette " If you are a friend you must come! Besides Marius told me you are the one who brought us together so you must attend!"  
"Well I.." I was lost for words didn't they realize that being there was going to be like having my heart ripped out? And by Cosette of all people! She who used to wash my clothes and make my meals!  
"Please say you will come! Papa is the only family I've got and Marius hasn't got any sisters...You'd make a wonderful bridesmaid!"  
My heart leapt in my chest. Bridesmaid? For Cosette? Was she mad?!  
"Well I.." Could I bear to see the look of disappointment on his face? Would he even care if I was not there? I doubted it. I was gonna answer when I heard another voice, one that filled me with dread  
"Heard you were looking for something thought I'd help you look!"  
It was 'Parnasse. Of all the places...all the people...   
"Yes I did lose something...I erm I have to go now bye" I walked as fast an I could without looking desperate to escape towards Montparnasse, flashed a smile at Marius and left.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
10 days. 10 days since I saw him. 10 days since I saw him and her. 10 days since I saw them.  
After Cosette had asked me to be a bridesmaid I had gone of with Montparnasse in a daze not listening to him...or looking for those damn letters that we never found anyway!  
  
  
Could I do it? Could I go and watch him give his heart to another girl? No not a girl a lady. Could I go knowing that it would brake my heart? But could I not go and know it would bring pain to his? I would go...not for her but for him and not out of joy but out of sorrow for this would be the death of my heart.  
  
  
My mum's voice grated through my thoughts  
"If you have finished daydreaming you good for nothing brat you can take yourself off and look for your Dad!"  
"Now?"  
"No tomorrow...of course now!"  
So through the alleyways of Paris I roamed not looking for my Dad at all but someone else....  
  
  
I knew where he'd be of course, where he always was these days, with her! On that bench in that garden and now it was official the old man was there a lot too. Growing weary of the lovers talk and my aching heart I no longer walked that way for fear of hearing those three words he would always say to her and never to me.  
But today I felt I must face my fear and walk past those gates.   
So head down I made for Rue Plumet   
  
  
"Sorry Miss I didn't see..Eponine!"  
"Marius!" I'd been so busy trying to get myself to Rue Plumet without turning back that I hadn't even noticed him. " I was just coming to see you and ... Cosette. Why are you not with her?"  
" We... oh damn! We had a fight.. I think the wedding maybe off!"  
Did I just hear those words? No surely this was just another of my twisted fantasies, but yet...  
"What?"  
"It's off...over the whole thing!"  
I was right! Could this be happening? This was great! Wonderful! Fantastic! Amazing! Brilliant! He looked crushed!   
"I need a drink!"  
"A drink?" This wasn't my Marius  
" Yes a drink. Come on."   
And at that he slipped his hand in mine and we walked down the street like any normal couple and again one was feeling immense pain and the other sheer joy but this time the roles were reversed.  
  
  
We arrived at Cafe Musain and found a quiet little corner to sit in. Marius looked crest fallen, heart broken and crushed. How I longed to take him in my arms and tell him everything would be fine but it I knew it was not me he wanted but her.  
  
  
We sat in silence for at least over an hour, Marius drinking glass after glass of wine. He not wanting to speak and I unable to  
"I just can't believe it! How could she be so cruel to me?"  
I wondered how anyone could ever harm this boy. This man who sat opposite me wallowing in despair.  
"What happened?"  
"'Ponine, dearest, if I asked you to move to England with me would you? If I made you a promise of having a high place in society in the English ranks would you come with me? And if I offered you my declaration of love and a promise of marriage you would join me in England wouldn't you?"  
Not trusting myself to speak I merely nodded willing him to go on.  
"Well the one person I want to come with me won't!"  
"Will it make you happy to go to England?"  
"Very"  
"Then you should do it"  
"Eponine you are amazing! You say all the right things! Hell, I should just marry you!"  
My heart leapt at the thought! If he had known how close he was to revealing my secret!  
"Why can't she make me happy?" He was utterly drunk now I had a feeling he had not drunk this much in his life and my prediction seemed to be right because right before my eyes,my Marius, my strong happy lovely Marius, broke down into tears.  
  
  
I don't really remember how but here we were in his room, his arms around me, my arms around him it was all so perfect! He bent down and kissed me, surely I had died, died and gone to heaven, a paradise!  
  
  
It's strange to think you've waited for something for so long but yet you can't remember it. I remember the feeling of sheer joy and warmth and the strange new feeling of being loved. Is this how Cosette felt every day? Did she feel sheer ecstasy when he called out her name? It's strange to think the one time I'm consumed with pure happiness that I should think of her...is this what they call guilt?  
  
  
"Eponine?"  
Just hearing him whisper my name in the early hours of the morning made me shiver with delight!  
"Yes?"  
"I.. should go home"  
And he left me, alone in that bed, alone with my thoughts of him and me...together!  
  
  
"It was a mistake! A silly mistake that will never ever be repeated!"  
I heard him before I saw him.  
"But you still did it! You talk of love but bed another!"  
I could here the embarrassment in her voice at having to use the harsh words  
  
  
I had come to see Marius at Rue Plumet for I knew that's where he'd be. I had planned it all I would wait by the gates for him to come out, he would see me and his face would light up with joy and then he would kiss me.   
  
  
The first part of my plan came into play...I was waiting by the gates unseen by the lovers.. although at this point in time you would not know that that was what they were to each other.   
  
  
"I speak of love to you! Not to her! She is a friend Cosette nothing more! A dirty little street rat who is in the way but was there when you weren't! It was your comfort I needed. Do you really think I would be content with such a low life?"  
  
  
"Oh Marius!"  
  
  
The hot bitter tears streamed down my face as she flung her arms around him. He thought I was dirty, a lowlife I was surprised he didn't include the word whore in his description of me. Although people say it can't happen I felt my heart break in two.  
  
  
It was as he turned to embrace her he saw me there, tears streaming down my face from his harsh words. The one person I thought would never hurt me just had.  
He let go of Cosette's hand as she wondered into the house , she didn't look back, didn't even know I was there.  
Marius was coming towards the gate, I couldn't move, I desperately needed to run, needed to get away from that expression of sympathy on his face.  
He came up to the gate and stood looking at me for what seemed like an age.  
"Eponine if I had-" I cut him off in mid sentence  
"Did you know that I loved you?" Seeing the shock on his face I persisted "Did you?"  
"Eponine... don't be silly you don't love me"  
"Silly? Yes it was wasn't it? But do you know what was even sillier?" He went to interrupt me.. could he see the pain I felt? Did he even care that he had just ripped my heart in two?  
"What was even sillier was that I thought that you, you a kind handsome young gentleman like you could love a lowly dirty street urchin like me back" My voice clear of all emotion sounded like someone else, some one far away  
"'Ponine I...what we did it meant nothing to me...not a thing"  
"But you see M'sieur" The tears welling up again..the pain ripping through my chest as I was sure my heart had in fact broken "It meant every thing to me" Then I ran.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
So here I was still sitting on the corner of the street, still hearing his voice echoing in my ear.   
I think some people just naturally attract grief like a crust of bread attracts the birds. I decided I'm one of these people and that no matter what occurs I shall always attract grief.  
But in my grief there was happiness, oh yes there was that one night of him calling my name not hers.  
And that moment of happiness will shine through always... but I think now I love Marius no more.  
I think now that I have to no heart to love.  



End file.
